These Phrases from My Parent That Helped Us during my time as a Brand-New Parent

"I believe I was simply trying to survive for the first year."

Former Made In Chelsea star Ryan Libbey thought he would to manage the demands of being a father.

But the actual experience quickly proved to be "very different" to what he pictured.

Severe health problems around the birth caused his partner Louise hospitalised. Suddenly he was forced into acting as her main carer as well as looking after their newborn son Leo.

"I was doing each nighttime feed, every change… each outing. The job of both parents," Ryan stated.

Following eleven months he burnt out. That was when a conversation with his father, on a bench in the park, that made him realise he couldn't do it alone.

The direct words "You are not in a healthy space. You must get assistance. How can I support you?" created an opening for Ryan to speak honestly, ask for help and find a way back.

His experience is not uncommon, but infrequently talked about. Although society is now more comfortable addressing the strain on mums and about PND, less is said about the challenges new fathers encounter.

Asking for help is not weak to request support'

Ryan believes his challenges are linked to a wider inability to communicate amongst men, who continue to hold onto damaging notions of masculinity.

Men, he says, tend to think they must be "the harbour wall that just gets hit and doesn't fall every time."

"It's not a display of being weak to request help. I was too slow to do that fast enough," he clarifies.

Clinical psychologist Dr Jill Domoney, a researcher who studies mental health pre and post childbirth, says men often don't want to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can feel they are "not justified to be requesting help" - particularly in preference to a new mother and infant - but she highlights their mental health is vitally important to the family.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to request a break - spending a couple of days away, away from the family home, to see things clearly.

He realised he needed to make a adjustment to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states in addition to the day-to-day duties of looking after a newborn.

When he was honest with Louise, he saw he'd missed "what she needed" -physical connection and paying attention to her words.

Self-parenting

That realisation has reshaped how Ryan perceives being a dad.

He's now composing Leo weekly letters about his experiences as a dad, which he hopes his son will see as he matures.

Ryan believes these will assist his son better understand the vocabulary of emotional life and understand his decisions as a father.

The concept of "self-parenting" is something musician Professor Green - whose name is Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since fathering his son Slimane, who is now four.

As a child Stephen was without consistent male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" bond with his dad, long-standing trauma caused his father had difficulty managing and was "coming and going" of his life, complicating their relationship.

Stephen says repressing feelings caused him to make "terrible decisions" when younger to modify how he felt, seeking comfort in alcohol and substances as an escape from the anguish.

"You gravitate to things that are harmful," he says. "They may short-term modify how you are feeling, but they will in the end cause more harm."

Advice for Getting By as a New Dad

• Open up to someone - if you're feeling swamped, speak to a friend, your partner or a therapist about your state of mind. Doing so may to lighten the load and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - keep doing the pursuits that helped you to feel like yourself before the baby arrived. This might be playing sport, seeing friends or a favourite hobby.
• Don't ignore the physical stuff - nutritious food, staying active and where possible, getting some sleep, all are important in how your mind is doing.
• Meet other parents in the same boat - sharing their stories, the challenges, and also the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Understand that asking for help does not mean you've failed - looking after your own well-being is the best way you can look after your household.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally struggled to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

As a dad now, Stephen's resolved not to "continue the chain" with his boy and instead give the safety and nurturing he lacked.

When his son threatens to have a meltdown, for example, they practise "shaking it out" together - expressing the frustrations in a healthy way.

Both Ryan and Stephen explain they have become more balanced, healthier men due to the fact that they acknowledged their issues, transformed how they communicate, and learned to regulate themselves for their kids.

"I am now more capable of… dealing with things and handling things," states Stephen.

"I put that down in a note to Leo the other week," Ryan says. "I wrote, at times I believe my purpose is to guide and direct you how to behave, but actually, it's a dialogue. I am discovering an equal amount as you are on this path."